One of my favourite metaphors is Charlotte Joko Beck’s where she likens us all to ice cubes, with long spindly limbs, bumping into each other and knocking chunks off each other. To safeguard ourselves we freeze harder so that when we bump into another ice cube we are less likely to be damaged. It is quite natural if someone hurts or insults us to respond aggressively – hopefully they will be too scared to do it again.
It does not take long to realise that a society of ice cubes is full of conflict. Ice cube mentality leads to wars, to fights, to long and painful legal disputes. At an individual level most ice cubes are not happy, always looking out for the next ice cube who might bump into them, rarely able to relax. Some ice cubes are proud of their ice-cubeness, freezing harder and bigger than other ice cubes, and taking delight in knocking chips off other ice cubes. For some this is a successful strategy, becoming the biggest ice-cube you might get to be president or boss of a large corporation.
Some ice cubes realise that this rigidity is harmful, and they soften. When other ice cubes bump into them, they do not chip so easily. They learn to avoid the more rigid ice cubes. They grow in awareness, and learn to make wiser decisions. Life stops being about becoming the biggest and strongest ice cube – in fact some of those bigger, bullying ice cubes start to look silly.
Eventually an ice cube may melt and become a puddle. Other ice cubes that walk through the warm waters of a puddle can start to soften. Of course the bigger ice cubes that depend on their frozenness tend to avoid puddles as they are a big threat to their life strategy. Some ice cubes, especially the ones that have started to soften, are attracted to the puddles, and may in time become puddles themselves.
Some puddles become lakes – the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Nelson Mandela (who started out as an ice cube). Unlike the big ice cubes who are proud of their rigidity and strength they make a virtue of their warmth and inclusiveness.
Like any metaphor it breaks down if you carry it too far. There are times when being rigid and hard is the wise thing to do. If this is done in full awareness then it can be powerful and effective, but it does not mean that you have to live your whole life like that. Which is where meditation and mindfulness practice comes in.
Meditation is something most people take up to reduce stress – they realise that life as an ice-cube is difficult. Meditation is not a quick fix. It requires effort and some dedication. Usually, by the time someone starts a meditation practice they have exhausted all the quick fixes. They realise it takes time to soften an ice cube, and even longer to melt it completely, and that there will be cold periods when things start to freeze up again.
Meditation often starts as a very private thing, but over time it seeps into daily life. Relationships become easier. Conflicts are avoided. Kindness becomes a way of life. The greatest difficulties of life can be when we are stuck in harmful habits, and meditation and mindfulness can slowly through greater awareness help alleviate or remove these habits.
Meditation is often thought of as a way of escaping the difficulties of the world, and sometimes this is true; meditators often go on long retreats in quiet and nourishing places, but they usually do this as a way of safely softening and reflecting on their ice-cubeness. In time, meditators realise that it is more a way of changing our relationships with ourselves and the world around us.
Who are the ice cubes in your life? Who have softened their edges? Do you know any puddles? Do you aspire to be the biggest ice cube, or would you rather be a puddle or a lake?