This may seem like a strange bit of advice, but knowing that meditation is good for you is not enough for most people to create a regular meditation habit. (Actually meditation is not good for everyone, but that is for a separate post). To create a new habit, there often needs to be more of an incentive than simply knowing it is good for you.
Many regular meditators start their practice at a time of personal crisis. They recognise that they need to make serious changes to their lives, to radically change their behaviour, and introducing a regular meditation practice is one thing they choose. Once they have the habit, and feel the benefits deeply, they then keep the practice up, and often start exploring meditation in more depth. This is my story, and that of many people I know.
For those not facing a huge crisis, but who see the benefits of meditation and have some experience of it, how can they start to practice more regularly? Knowing it is good for you is rarely enough – when the choice is between meditation and slumping in front of the television at the end of a hard day or having a glass of wine, the TV or wine (or both) often win.
We often put aside something that requires effort if something easier appeals in its place; whether it is exercise, diet, or something else we can rationalise as “good for you”, we can easily replace it with an hour (or more) on the couch in front of the TV. It is natural to opt for some short term satisfaction, or to drop into an old habit, no matter how convinced we are we need to do something beneficial but which requires some time and dedication.
How might you trigger a change in habits? Here are some suggestions on how you might facilitate a regular meditation practice:
· Find a group to regularly meditate with.
· Review your habits and see if there is some that you would like to drop and consider substituting the time spent on that.
· The Ulysses contract – link your meditation to something you must do.
· Find a meditation teacher you can check in with from time to time.
· Learn to “urge surf”.
· Notice the changes that come about from meditation.
· Don’t give up!
Finding a group
This is a great way of at least having one meditation session on a regular basis. If you can find a small group that meets regularly (online or in person), then that can become a real draw. Sometimes you make a connection in that group that extends to beyond meditation (a group I run has some people who share an interest in camper vans). A regular group can be a great way of sharing experience and encouraging regular practice. Practicing with a group can be very beneficial, and even if you only manage to meditate with the group and not do anything outside you are starting on the journey to more regular practice.
Review your habits
All of us (meditation teachers included!) have some habits that could be dropped. Here is an exercise that is used in a mindfulness course:
1. Write a list of things you do in a day – include everything you can think of.
2. Then go through the list and write N for nourishing and D for depleting next to each activity.
3. Now add up the N’s and D’s.
4. What does this tell you?
Often it can be quite a revelation. When I first did that exercise I realised that most of my day was depleting. At that point I already had a meditation practice, but on reflection I was using it as a crutch to deal with a life that was full of demands that were exhausting me. I then set about rebalancing my life over the next year. There will always be something depleting on the list, but consciously changing the mix can have real benefits.
Often you can switch something from depleting to nourishing. A participant on one of my courses said that one of the most significant changes he made was taking a proper lunch break, and where possible going and eating lunch in the park. Before that he had eaten at his desk while working, not really tasting the food, and not getting any rest from his work. He returned to his desk in the afternoon refreshed and was more productive than when he did not have a break.
Sometimes you may find something that is really not necessary, or that you are spending too much time on it. TV and social media are great ways to soak up time. In moderation they can be quite nourishing, but if your phone becomes the default focus when you have some time, can you review that habit (see “urge surfing”).
The biggest objection many new meditators have is that it is difficult to find time. They try to squeeze it in as an added extra to an already overcrowded day. Better to step back, to look at days as a whole, to evaluate what is beneficial and what is not, and then see where meditation might fit in.
The Ulysses contract
Ulysses, returning from the Trojan wars, had to sail past beautiful sirens who would bewitch sailors to jump into the sea, and they then perished. Ulysses ordered his crew to tie him to the mast of the ship, then to plug their ears with beeswax and under no circumstances untie him until they were past the sirens.
As a psychological device, tying something you aspire to do to something else you routinely do or feel compelled to do can encourage you to do them both. Many years ago, I had a meditation practice that required 20 minutes in the evening. I scheduled it to coincide with preparing food for the family. I would prepare everything ready to cook, and if there was something that took 20 minutes or so in the oven or on a low light on the hob I would set that off and go do my meditation practice, then come back and finish the preparation. Even if the meal had no extended cooking time, the break in preparation became a routine.
Is there something you routinely do that you can use as a trigger to do a meditation practice? (In mindfulness courses we often suggest short practices tied to routine things like waiting for the kettle to boil.) Do you commute on a train or a bus, and can you meditate there (it can be done, and most people will think you are having a nap)? Could you find a quiet place at lunchtime to meditate? Could you arrive at the office early to practice?
Find a meditation teacher
If you have a teacher who can offer a regular check in, say once a month, that can help with motivation. You can also discuss with them the challenges you have, and they may make suggestions. They can also help you with any issues with practice. You can find a teacher at BAMBA.ORG.UK.
Learn to urge surf
Urge surfing is a practice taught in Mindfulness Based Relapse Prevention (among other things) to help people with addictions. If you have identified something that you would like to reduce (e.g. browsing social media, visiting the biscuit tin, switching on the telly to see if there is anything on), then before you follow an urge take a pause. Check in with how you are. Notice where you feel the urge. Is it just an automatic habit? Are you satisfying some craving? Then sit with the sensations of the urge for a minute or so. You might still follow the urge, but the pause may be enough to deter you. It can be surprising how quickly an urge passes.
Urge surfing is particularly helpful when you have chosen to meditate and the phone or tv controller call to you. Creating a pause gives an opportunity to choose. Of course, you may not choose to meditate and that is ok, but better to choose not to than find yourself half way into a TV programme you don’t really want to watch and then regretting it.
Noticing the changes that come about from meditation
Of course the real reason we dedicate time to a meditation practice is to realise some positive change. That may be less stress, better sleep, or a greater sense of ease in life – there are many benefits you might hope for. Early on meditators often see some benefit, only to find that the dramatic gains of the first few weeks ease off, and then they lose motivation.
In time, meditation becomes as natural as sleep or cleaning your teeth. Once a practice is established, it can become something you look forward to, and something you miss on the days where you are too busy. You begin to feel it in the body, in the mind. So if your early experience gave you some positive benefits, keep faith and see the change over time.
Don’t give up
It’s easy to slip back into old habits, or rather to drop new ones that are not fully established. If you do, then it is important to realise that is natural. There is no need for self-recrimination. Just start again.
Finally
Meditation is no quick fix. It is a long term commitment, like keeping physically fit. It requires some effort and discipline. It isn’t a simple and easy addition to life, especially if you have a busy life. But those who make the effort usually see the benefits – oddly the things you give up can seem less important, and sometimes you have more energy to commit to other things you find beneficial.
To make the change, you need to see that it is more than just “good for you”. That may be the starting point, but changing habits takes time, patience and persistence. You need to see the bigger picture, and slowly get into some form of regular practice. Hopefully the above suggestions may help.
