This meditation has a long history, is part of some Buddhist traditions, and it is also taught in mindfulness classes. It is considered in the mindfulness movement as a compassion practice. The structure of the meditation is:
- Settling into a meditation posture you can maintain for ten or so minutes. Then bringing awareness to what is going on around you and within you, perhaps resting the attention on the breath for a few moments or placing the attention on another body sensation or a sound.
- Bringing to mind someone you hold dear. It can be a relative, a friend, or even a pet. It may be someone from your past who may not still be with us. Invite them as a guest (imaginary) into your meditation.
- Then as if you are speaking directly to them repeat the following:
- May you be safe and well.
- May you be peaceful.
- May you live with ease and with kindness.
- Repeat this a few times, pausing to notice how you feel about this.
- Thank your guest, and let them depart from your meditation.
- When you are ready, invite your second guest in. This time, someone you do not know very well, perhaps someone who serves you in a shop.
- Offer them the same wishes as you did to the person you hold dear. Notice how it feels, Repeat the words a number of times. Then thank your guest and let them depart.
- Your third guest is someone you have some difficulties with. At first, maybe not choosing the most difficult person in your life.
- Repeat the words to them. Note how this feels. Then let your guest depart.
- Finally, your fourth guest – yourself. Speaking to yourself, repeat the words above, adapting slightly: “May I be safe and well. May I be peaceful. May I live with ease and with kindness.
- Then finally, settling for a few moments, perhaps noticing your breath, then bringing the meditation to a close.
Here are some helpful pointers:
- The invitation is to picture your guests, but the picture may be very vague, or just a sense of their presence.
- If the words feel clunky you can change them to something you are comfortable with.
- As you are practicing, from time to time check in with how your body feels. Are there any areas of tension or of release?
- Some people like to practice this with their hand(s) on their heart, perhaps when they are offering the words to themselves.
- This is not about generating saintliness – you might have resistance to this practice, especially with the difficult person. Just note how it lands with you. What are your natural, human reactions?
- You can take this out into daily life, though you might repeat the words internally rather than saying them out loud! You can offer the words in different ways :”I hope you are well today … How is life? … Here’s hoping you have a lovely day.”
- Resistence is not wrong but part of the practice. Notice how the resistance arises for you. Notice how it changes over time. Notice how it appears – physically, emotionally, with thoughts.
- Don’t try to generate emotions that do not naturally occur. Sometimes this is called a befriending practice, and it is perfectly possible to befriend someone you don’t like, and to continue to dislike them even though you are curteous and polite towards them.
- Vary the guests you work with in this practice.
- Remember, this is not meant to turn you into a saint.
Try this from time to time. The experience will evolve over time. If you can, you might want to reflect on this with a meditation teacher. As with any meditation, there is no immediate expectation of change, and if you struggle with the practice that is normal. Guided meditations can be helpful.